Five o' clock
by ImJustEmily
Summary: A one shot of the day of Mark's death from Julia's POV. Inspired by talking to onlywordsnow.


_ Seven Hours _

She wakes up at the alarm, her eyes heavy from a restless nights sleep but surprised she had managed to get any rest at all. Her arm strays to the opposite side of the bed but the coolness of the sheets causes fresh tears to spring to her eyes. She half wished she had been allowed to work today but the Chief had told her gently that she didn't need to come in. Forcing herself to sit up she pushes her hair back behind her ears and takes a deep breath to steel herself for the day ahead, knowing the effort is futile but willing to try for his sake if nothing else.

_Six Hours_

The heat of the shower is almost refreshing but the memories that it contains start to stifle her before too long and the threatening wave of tears rise again. Pulling the towel from the rack she wraps it around her body and catches sight of herself in the mirror; the sight isn't one she's expecting. Her weight loss is more obvious than she thought, the taut bones jutting against skin that has a yellowish tone. The purpling smudges under her eyes resemble bruises and she looks away quickly, pushing out of the bathroom and hurrying to the closet to throw on the first clothes she lays her hands on; the sweatshirt that belonged to him drowns her but she scoops her hair into a messy bun and grabs her keys before bolting from the apartment.

_Five Hours_

After much debate she decides she needs to get out of the house. Sipping coffee she's bought from a stand she walks aimlessly until she finds herself at the edge of the Sound, they walked along here on one of their first dates, had dinner at a tiny place just along the road. He'd ordered shrimp and she'd had the chicken, they'd drunk good wine and laughed for hours before going home and spending their first night together. The memory isn't as painful as she was expecting, she can hear his laugh in her mind for the first time since she got the phone call telling her about the crash and for a few seconds she's happy again, she remembers how it felt to be in love in that moment.

_ Four Hours_

Wandering through the streets she's still not sure what she's doing but her feet seem to be seeking out all the places they made memories. It's not too long before she realizes she's headed for the park, the spot he took her for the picnic when he said those three magical words to her. They'd been sipping champagne from cheap, plastic cups and he was grumbling that she hadn't let him bring proper ones. He'd leaned forward and brushed his lips on her temple, his stubble tickling her ear and whispered it to her, she'd known for a few weeks she wanted to say it herself but she hadn't wanted to pressure him. Closing her eyes and pressing her lips together she felt her cheeks reddening as memories of the activity they partook in just after flooded her mind.

_ Three Hours_

The baseball diamond looked exactly the same as it had last year in the sunshine. It didn't seem fair to her somehow that it was sunny today, this was Seattle, one of the rainiest cities in the world but today the sky had to be clear and blue. She dragged her finger softly over a helmet, remembering the way his eyes lit up as they played. It hadn't even mattered that they were supposed to be on opposing teams because they were together and their relationship was still in that sunny period where they couldn't get enough of the other. The guys were all so competitive and apart from that one young resident from Seattle Grace most of the women didn't seem to care less, they were happy just spending time with their closest friends.

_ Two Hours_

Checking the time on her phone she involuntarily finds her eyes seeking out the hospital. She knows she'd be welcome, knows they wouldn't send her away but she knew that she would be intruding. She wasn't a part of the family, she loved him more than anyone else in the world but she hadn't been on that plane and she couldn't intrude on their goodbyes. A solitary tear slides down her cheek as she remembers how broken he looked in the bed. She'd spent the day with him yesterday, curled up next to him and let herself pretend for a few precious moments that everything was going to be okay. When Callie had come out of surgery and checked in she told her that she was saying goodbye, that she was sorry and to be sure to stay in touch. They wouldn't, she knew they wouldn't. Mark was the only link they had and reminders of him were too painful. When it reached midnight she'd climbed off the bed, kissed him softly and stroked a hand through his hair, making sure he looked his best. "Goodbye, my love."

_ One Hour_

She's feeling numb, the day has slipped away somewhere she's overtly aware of the ticking of the clock. Her heart is telling her that she needs to get in the car and drive to the hospital but her head won't let her. He's got Derek and he's got Callie; his best friends are with him. She looks at the photo of them both sitting on the wall, the ways his eyes are crinkled in the corner and his pose for the camera. It was taken on a day they'd been looking after Sofia and she had taken tons of pictures of him with his beautiful daughter, the light of his life. She thought of the baby they had talked of, the child they never got to have and she slips off the couch with a whimper. Knees pulled to her chest in the gathering dusk she's focused on the clock until it's five more minutes and she can't bear it a moment longer. Stumbling into the dark bedroom she's momentarily disoriented until the realization that she never opened the blinds that morning. Crawling under the comforter she's on his side of the bed and she's broken into pieces, knowing he's the one who could put her back together

_ Five o' clock. _

She lets the darkness envelop her as she lays motionless on the bed they had shared, trying to trick her mind into believing that she would wake up any moment and he'd come barreling into the room with a kiss and a story all about his day. Clutching the pillow to her chest like a lifeline she closes her eyes as the hot tears she's been holding back all day finally begin to fall, the barrier she's been gradually letting down all day falling completely open and memories of Mark fill her up. The faint smell of his shampoo is still clinging to the pillow and she buries her face in it as the sobs wrack her body, smothering the sound. Her throat is constricted and as she gulps for air she half hoped she's going pass out just so the pain will stop for a while. She doesn't move for so long that her limbs begin to scream in protest but all this does is serve to remind her that she's alive and Mark isn't. That he's gone and he's never coming back.


End file.
